A: What do you want?

B: A lot of really great sex. 

A: seriously? 

B: well… yeah. Life is to hard and short to not live it passionately and grab as much happiness as you can. If the next twenty years is anything like the past twenty years I might not make it through. I want to laugh in life. ha, and moan I guess would be accurate.

huh. honesty. 

Home has become a fluid thing. Something that appears and dissapears depending on time and space.

home-

‘I was wrong’ are three of the hardest words to say. The sentance goes right up there with, ‘I love you’ and ‘please forgive me’. These are words that hold weight, have heavy meaning, but they are also words that make the speaker vulnerable. It puts the speaker verbally kneeling to the other individial. What if you say “I love you, I know I was wrong, will you please forgive me?” and it doesnt matter? Or worse yet, it could have mattered, but now it’s too late. It’s amazing how much punch a word can hold, how much it can affect another individual, and how life alteriing they can really be. A lack of communication or misunderstanding can be deadly and too much information can be the same. Words that were meant for one person and given to another, words that were stolen or re-gifted, words that were never spoken or spoken to late are painful to see, painful to say, and mostly painful to hear. They are spoken anyway, unable to be kept inside. Spoken anyway because the word would fester inside, eating away at the lining of our imagination. Eating away because the words contain things we call thoughts and ideas. Words, letters, phrases, make an intangible substance tangible in the form of a language. It somehow attempts to contain thousands of years of history and philosophy in mere marks on a page or sounds from a mouth. With those marks and sounds we try to show what is inside of us no matter how painful it may be.

All of that is to say, “I love you, I know I was wrong, I hope you can forgive me” - the three hardest marks to make on a page.

There is a story of a woman created from the dust of the earth as Adam was created from the dust of the earth. Her name was Lilith. She was created so that Adam would not be alone and they were formed as equals.

She was headstrong, determined, and nowhere close to being submissive. She was unfit for a relationship with Adam. Unfit for humanity to come from her womb.

Long story short, she flew away and was punished by becoming the Queen of Demons. She was created to cause sickness and pain. Then Eve was formed from Adam. Eve was the better match. Eve was submissive and everything that Adam wanted in a companion. Lilith was forgotten.

I am the daughter of Lilith. Headstrong, Determined, and Unfit.

I am not constrained. I do not fit into my own plans. My self-portrait is not contained in my face. I am not constrained in my body, my physical self, my own ideas. Physical things change and move, ideas change and evolve. bursting at the seams.